Lost
by kaydi
Summary: The end of the worst day in Remus Lupin's life. The day he buried the Potters. Now, he steps outside to get away from all the people, but he can't escape the horrible truth, no matter how hard he tries.


Lost

Lost
    
    **_You know the drill. Nothing belongs to be. Remus, Sirius, Harry, ect. All belong to JK Rowling. The song is by Sarah McLaughlin (sp?) Please review. I live off of reviews! Heheh.Anyway, I have several stories, just waiting to be finished.Including a what if story, and the revised edition of my mane is Sirius Black, which I am determined to finish this semester! I know I said that about last summer too. I will try my hardest to get these out, but as most of you know, school takes up soooooo much free time._**
    
    **_Btw, just a simply question.Those of you who read MNISB, should I keep the author's notes, or just write new ones? Tell me what you think. Thanks! R/r._**
    
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    Remus closed his eyes, trying to block out the muted noise of the next room.No one had said anything all day, not to him. He didn't blame them.What was there to say?He'd already heard far too many I'm sorry's. 
    
    What did they know anyway?Had any of them really really known them?How many knew that James was afraid of snakes?Of that Lily could make the best Christmas cookies you'd ever tasted?How many knew how much Sirius loved that bike, or the way Peter smiled when he finally got something right?None of them knew.Only Remus.Remus was the only one left.The only one to remember. 
    
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    _By the shadows of the night I go_
    
    _I move away from the crowded room_
    
    _That sea of shallow faces masked with warm regret_
    
    _They don't know how to feel_
    
    _They don't know what is lost_
    
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     He opened his eyes and found himself in the garden behind the house.From the porch, he could see the stars.One star in particular stood out from the rest. Maybe because it was the brightest star, maybe because it was directly above him, or maybe it just called to him.The Dogstar twinkled, seemingly laughing at him. 
    
    He closed his eyes again and a face swam in his vision.The face of a man with black hair like the night sky and pale twinkling eyes, reflecting the light much as his namesake now did.Though his body still lived, Remus knew that man was dead, buried with Lily and James and Peter.
    
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    _Lost in the darkness of a land_
    
    _Where all the hope that's offered is_
    
    _Memories of being taken by the hand_
    
    _And we are led into the sun_
    
    _But I don't have a hold on what is real_
    
    _Though we can only try_
    
    _What is there to give or to believe_
    
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    What now? Remus wondered.How do I go from here?How do I live? How can I be so alone again?It almost killed me before and I'd never even had all the blessings I know now.How to I live knowing I'll never see them again?How do I survive being the last one?Can I? 
    
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    _I want it all to go away_
    
    _I want to be alone_
    
    _Sympathy's wasted on my hollow shell_
    
    _I feel there's nothing left to fight for_
    
    _No reason for a cause_
    
    _And I can't feel your voice_
    
    _And I can't feel you near_
    
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     "Hey Remus.How are you?" Remus turned to facethe man in front of him.Terry Fawker, a face from his old Hogwarts days, and a member of theOrder of The Phoenix. 
    
    "Hello Terry." Remus replied, more out of habit than courtesy. 
    
    "How are you feeling?' terry asked.Remus turned and stared up at the star, which twinkled mockingly, and the echo of a crazed maniacal laughter driftedthrough the air. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to ignore the voice, as loud as it screamed. 
    
    "terry, imagine the worst day of your life." Terry nodded. " Thentake your family and friends and have them tortured and murdered in front of your very eyes while you do nothing but watch."Remus's voice was a harsh whisper." Take that horrendous feeling and multiply it as far as you can, you may know a bit of what I'm feeling tonight."
    
    Terry's eyes widened and he backed off, whispering, "I'm sorry." 
    
    Remus ignored him.that wasn't the voice he wanted to hear.He tried to recall James, laughing with Sirius that morning in their first year so long ago. 
    
    " Come on Remy! We need to make an impression if we're going to be the worstpranksters every to come to Hogwarts! Come on!"
    
    but the voicedied away as did the memory.James was dead, Lily too.Of the Potter's, only little Harry survived. 
    
    James was dead. Sirius was dead. Peter was dead.Only Remus was left.And as hard as he listened, he stillcouldn't hear his friends. 
    
     
    
     
    
    _Lost in the darkness of a land_
    
    _Where all the hope that's offered is_
    
    _Memories of being taken by the hand_
    
    _And we are led into the sun_
    
    _But I don't have a hold on what is real_
    
    _Though we can only try_
    
    _What is there to give or to believe?_
    
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    What was there to believe in now?Who to believe in?All his heroes were dead or as good as.What was there to do now?Where could he go?There was nowhere.Everything he had built over thepassed eleven years had been destroyed in one shocking blow.
    
    Remusdropped to his knees andstared,imploringly at the sky.Please, please let this be some horrible dream. Please let thisnightmare end.Please, god, please.
    
    He received no answer, but the twinkling of the stars. 
    
    "God damn you!"Remusroared. "Damnit ,why?Why take everything from me?Couldn't you have left me Sirius or Peter?Why?Why do you hate me?"he screamed into the night. 
    
    Then he collapsed,sobs racking his body.It was a very long time before his knees would allow him to stand up and walk away thatnight. 
    
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    _I wanted a change knowing all I could do was try_
    
    _I was looking for someone_

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End file.
